I’m not going to begin this blog with anything so twee as a cliche about silver linings.
On the other hand, little in life is purely one dimensional.
Covid-19 and the ensuing lockdown has injected immense stress into people’s lives. Ironically, the lifting of lockdown restrictions is doing little to reduce this stress. In many scenarios, managing the anxieties around returning to work is a full-time job in itself.
But, and it’s an important pause, the lockdown has also presented many of us with an unprecedented opportunity to reflect on the lives we live and re-evaluate whether they reflect who we are.
Asking the big questions… and exploring what the answers might be
Clients who work with me speak frequently and with great eloquence of how the lockdown has a magnifying effect on what is important and meaningful in our lives.
It’s entirely rational for all of us to look at our lives pre-Covid with some longing (who wouldn’t want to nip out to pick up the bread and milk without having to think of 2 metre circumferences, masks and hand sanitisers). Yet the fact that not everything about our earlier lives minus the virus was ideal is part of the truth too.
In a massive way, we have come up against ourselves and have had the opportunity to reflect on what is and isn’t working for us. Things have surfaced in a way that might have taken years, or even decades, to percolate and bubble to the top. Now, thanks to 2020’s Pandora’s Box of surprises/shocks, they’re here and in our awareness.
This awareness can seem like a double-edged sword as we experience the discomfort, and sometimes pain, when we realise our lives don’t quite work for us.
Underneath the discomfort and pain, however, are the seeds to begin changing our lives. This change can be infinitesimally incremental, but oh my, does it pack a punch. Even the smallest new choice or adjustment creates momentum to craft our lives in a way that reflects us.
Examining relationships in-depth
Does anyone else have that Barbra Streisand godsend of a voice in their head singing “people who need people… are the luckiest people?” It can’t just be me!
It seems like she’s singing to us all in this current moment in time.
People, of course, are both wondrous and ghastly. Sometimes in equal measure. And that includes ourselves too.
The pandemic has very clearly shown us who our real friends are. My clients tell me of many relationships that have deepened, and many that have been exposed for the fair-weather friendships that they were.
No one’s advocating dropping people like hot potatoes, but re-evaluating who we want to spend time with and who we don’t, and the reasons for these preferences, starts seeing us live more in line with our own values.
Intimate relationships have come in for a dose of scrutiny too, the likes of which we might only see once in a blue moon.
There is nothing like being stuck at home with a significant other to become laser focused on just how special or insufferable they are.
Of course, the reality is more likely that neither party is outrightly beyond reproach or riddled with fault, but rather that the relationship has run its course. The pandemic and lockdown can bring into stark view that it is now time to conclude this chapter.
And many are feeling this way. The media is full of stories of letting agents and family lawyers being kept busy by people who want to make swift changes to their living arrangements.
“Families, they f*ck you up”
Now is the time to ask if there is another way to interact with family?
Have relations taken a place of prominence because we weren’t able to see them for so long? Or has it been a relief not to have to make duty visits to people we don’t really get along with?
Without the pandemic, it would have been easy, albeit slightly (or more than slightly) soul destroying to carry one with things as they were. Suddenly, new options are moving into view.
Getting closer to ourselves
I have a personal story to share in how many of us are reconnecting with ourselves.
At one point in my life, I was a chef. And I loved the whole experience of working with food.
However, in recent years I have stopped doing “proper” cooking. The convenience of M&S poached salmon, parma ham and prepared vegetables had become my failsafe staples. Nothing terribly unhealthy, and certainly yum.
The lockdown has provided me with the opportunity (since I am not going out or spending money in ways I would have in the past) to source amazing ingredients from organic farms.
I’m discovering all sorts of brilliant artisan food producers and getting to experiment with wonderful ingredients. Once again, I’m making up recipes and turning out the good stuff.
The whole process is enlivening and makes me (and my tastebuds) happy. While I’m as eager as anyone else for Covid-19 to bid us farewell, I’m also grateful for this moment to rediscover an aspect of myself.
All in all, I’m still not thinking silver linings but Covid-19 might have something of value to leave behind.
If you’d like to chat about the questions you’re asking during this time, please feel free to contact me. Online therapy is a tremendous way to support ourselves, especially during tumultuous times.