It’s a universal assumption to think that money solves all problems. After all, with a few extra zeros in our bank accounts, wouldn’t most of us be able to make many of the hassles and inconveniences we deal with on a daily basis go away?
Most likely.
On the other hand, wealth itself comes with many challenges. In my wealth counselling practice, I work with clients who are trying to cope with the multiple challenges that wealth can bring.
The truth is that money can come with two characteristics. It can make some problems go away but add some others to an individual’s life – at the same time.
What is wealth counselling?
Wealth can be measured by liquid income, assets or a combination of both. Having wealth opens up a range of choices, but it doesn’t guarantee happiness, emotional or mental wellbeing. Having a lot of money can instil pressures in a person’s life that are not easily understood by mainstream society.
This is where wealth counselling can help. I work with my clients confidentially and discreetly to provide a supportive, personal space where they can discuss their feelings about wealth.
Mo’ money mo’ problems
The Notorious B.I.G., American rapper and songwriter, captured something of the truth around large wealth with his pithy phrase.
In a world where many people experience significant stress around not having enough money, it can be difficult to explain just how isolating wealth can be.
In 2011, the Wall Street Journal published an article called “Don’t Envy the Super-Rich, They Are Miserable”.
One of the sources quoted in the article is/was the spouse of a wealthy tech entrepreneur with a fortune of approximately $80 million.
This individual explains the issues wealth can have with friends. They say, “Wealth can be a barrier to connecting with other people. Not feeling you should share some of the stressors in your life (Yeah, wouldn’t I like to have your problems), awkwardness re: who should pay at a restaurant.”
In the same article, a wealthy parent writes how wealth impacts on the men in her daughters’ lives. With a lot of money and assets, the traditional role of provider had been removed from the lives of these men and contributed to feelings of powerlessness. This comment also talks of isolation and difficulty in human relationships, caused by wealth.
The view from a pop cultural perspective is that wealthy people have it all. Anything they want can be theirs with the flash of an exclusive credit card. Just think of the rolled eyes when we hear stories about “trust fund babies” and the 1%. It’s not easy for most people to see the “shadow” side of wealth.
Feelings of being trapped, insecurity and lack of self-belief, distrust in others, strained relationships, familial pressure. Worrying how to shape your children’s values and create a meaningful legacy. These issues are commonly of great concern to wealthy people.
In my own practice I encounter this regularly, and these feelings are brought up too in the article.
One person explains how they just got lucky. They tell the story of how they happened to be working for the right company at the right time. There is no feeling of having earned the money.
Inheriting family fortunes can also be double-edged swords. One of the respondents in the Wall Street Journal says, “Financial freedom can produce anxiety and hesitancy. In my own life, I have been intimidated about my abilities because I inherited money.”
Understanding wealth and well being
We’ve all heard, and maybe even repeated ourselves, the old saying that money doesn’t buy you happiness.
This statement has been confirmed by countless rigorous studies that examine the link between people having more money and people feeling happier.
While the findings of these various studies definitely shows corresponding increases in happiness as people earn more money to cover their basic needs (shelter, food, healthcare) and have extra money to spend on some fun experiences (travel, hobbies etc.), there is a limit as to where money stops impacting happiness levels in a positive way. That point is estimated to be at $75,000 (approximately £57,000 by today’s exchange rate).
Although a comfortable salary, it is hardly the bracket of the super rich.
That’s not to say that money doesn’t come with many advantages, but the intrinsic human desire for happiness is not guaranteed by an unlimited bank account.
In fact, feelings and meaning attached to money can contribute to a deep sense of unhappiness. This impacts on mental health in negative ways.
Here is where wealth counselling can play a beneficial role.
In my experience, one of the most unifying of human experiences across the spectrum of clients I see in my broader practice is how money and emotion is entwined.
It doesn’t matter whether one person is earning an average salary and another person has tens or hundreds of millions in the bank, we all approach money with emotions. Money is a lighting rod for how we feel about ourselves, our family, broader society, values, status and many other elements for life..
Wealth counselling works with the client to shine a light on what their emotions around their wealth might be. We work together to understand how these feelings are impacting them by contributing to isolation, guilt, difficulty around feelings of worth, connecting with people etc.
Through talking together and working through the thoughts and feelings tied up with wealth, clients are able to chart a path forward for themselves that contributes positively to their psychological and emotional health.
Please feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss wealth counselling further. I’d be delighted to speak with you.